I remember the moment I had my “wake up call” moment in my career.
You wouldn’t be able to tell I wasn’t happy.
Everything on the outside looked great.
The exact wake up call moment occurred when I was at the Four Seasons Hotel, Mumbai in a beautiful hotel on a business trip. I was my ideal weight. I was engaged to my best friend.
Yet deep down I was miserable.
I remember ugly crying on the hotel bed after a challenging early morning conference call.
After I’d cried all the tears I could I went to the bathroom to get ready for the day ahead.
As I looked up at the mirror, I didn’t recognise the person staring back at me.
Puffy, swollen and with tired eyes…I saw a shell of the person I knew was really me….
Who am I?
What happened to me?
What I doing?
What am I here to do?
These thoughts started racing through my head and I began to feel more sadness.
I’ve shared this story before and I know many of you have had that same feeling of wondering where you’ve gone and what happened to the real you. The one that had high hopes and dreams for yourself and wanted to be free.
If you’re feeling lost and alone in your journey, I want you to know that whilst it’s tough (I feel for you), you’re in exactly the perfect place to turn it around.
Not in a place where you can watch the video? Read on for the transcript:
One of the reasons why so many women find themselves stuck at a career crossroads is because somewhere along the way, they’ve stopped expressing who they really are and what it is they truly desire along the way.
We give away our power. We think that others know better. We want to accommodate perhaps our partner or loved ones in our lives. So….
We end up changing just that little bit just for other people.
Now being compassionate, being a team-player and compromising isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I believe that it’s important sometimes.
At the same time, I believe it’s important to express yourself and what it is that you want.
When you let those seeds of desires, or that comment or feedback, go unsaid, it builds up and it can start to manifest in terms of physical symptoms which isn’t a good thing.
I believe that you owe it to others to tell the truth of how you’re feeling.
When you find yourself stuck – either in relationships or situations – rather than getting to that place of blame where you think…
…you’re not doing enough.
…my company should be doing X
…your partner should be doing more
It’s important to be upfront before getting to that point of blame and shame.
By expressing how you feel.
You can soften your message….let’s take the example of relationships first as this is always a biggie (I know I have lots of work to do in this area!)
Instead of blaming your partner for all the things they did wrong you can try framing it in a different way:
“You make/made me feel X when you did Y…”
You make me feel unheard when you don’t listen to my opinion and you decide what you want to do anyway
You made me feel really upset when you decided to go out on Friday night when I was hoping to go out on a date night
When you say it in this way it’s less of an accusation it’s more of a mature and direct conversation as to how you feel.
When it comes to your corporate job you can also do this with your boss.
For example, if you didn’t get that promotion, rather than get angry with your boss and blaming everything they *didn’t* do you could say:
I felt sidelined when I didn’t get that promotion — especially after we worked together on this strategy. What is it that I’m missing? What is it that I need to do in order to get to that next level?
You’re putting the situation on you but not blaming the other person.
You’re proactively asking the other persons for feedback to get the outcome that you want.
Emotions that aren’t expressed can build up and you can have more outbursts when your anger is repressed.
Better to communicate effectively along the way rather than letting things simmer and fester.
If you’re like me and you hate confrontation and you don’t want to go there with the other person, I still recommend that you express how you feel in some way shape or form.
So for me journalling is the best. Free flow writing – thoughts of consciousness. Whatever comes to mind.
Writing letters can be very helpful. You can’t write all you want to say and then burn the letter. You don’t actually have to share the letter with the intended recipient you can simply write and get the words of your chest. The burning can be very cathartic.
Expressing yourself is really important.
If things aren’t going the way you want in your life and you don’t feel like you know who the hell you are anymore then it’s time to start expressing YOU more in your life.
This doesn’t just have to be about your thoughts, words or how you feel.
This can be in fun things as well — how you dress, how you wear your hair, where you suggest going for holidays, dates, what you do with your friends.
Start cultivating this and you’ll start to feel more comfortable in your own skin.
You’ll feel more like you and that you’re getting your needs met.
Express yourself, find a medium that works for you.
Leave a comment and let me know:
- In what ways do you express yourself?
- In which medium do you want to do a little more to feel more like YOU?
I’d love to hear from you.
Now go be yourself and shine bright as you are.