Have you ever noticed your default answer to the question: “How are you?”
For most women, they answer with a simple…
“I’m fine” or “I’m great”…
Even when they’re not.
We live in a culture where being happy, grateful and joyful are acceptable (desired even).
But where negative emotions like anger, frustration, stress, and anxiety are not.
Negative emotions can be seen as something to be fixed, avoided, diagnosed and in some cases medicated.
And whilst this is sometimes necessary….it’s not always a bad thing to feel those negative emotions.
Hear me out….
When you avoid those negative emotions, they fester and build. The more you ignore them, the more they take up space.
Until one day…like a ticking time bomb you explode or go off at the smallest thing.
Which then makes you feel embarrassed and ashamed.
Cue the cycle to begin again.
If this feels familiar or sounds like you…I’ve got you covered.
Watch this week’s video to learn why it’s OK not to be OK and what to do about it instead.
Short on time? Read on for the transcript.
Do you sometimes feel like a ball of stress, anxiety, or overwhelm?
Filled with anger or even rage?
If so this week’s episode is for you.
I’m Siobhan Barnes and I support career women to realign their ladders against the right wall so they can do meaningful work that matters to them and to others.
Now these emotions that I just mentioned: stress, frustration, anger or rage.
These can be seen as “negative” “undesirable” “unwanted.”
Something to be fixed.
Something to be diagnosed.
And in some cases medicated.
And yes in some cases that is absolutely necessary.
In some cases, these emotions are just part of the human experience and part of what it means to live in the world today.
We live in a world which is busy and overwhelming at times.
We’ve got information coming at us left right and center. Unless we know how to handle all that’s coming our way it’s very easy to tip into these “negative” emotions.
So if that’s you, I invite you to just cut yourself some slack and know that…
You’re not broken.
There’s nothing wrong with you.
There’s nothing that needs to be “fixed”.
All you really need to get started are some tools and a reframe of mind to know that you’re perfectly normal as you are.
I actually believe that the goal in life is not to be “happy” all the time.
Let’s be honest, things happen in life which aren’t going to make you happy.
Loved ones may pass away. You may lose a job. You might get into an argument with somebody.
There are so many different things that can happen.
So to always be chasing happiness, I think, can be a real set up for failure because it’s not going to happen all the time.
If we can look at these emotions that we have in a different way everything changes…
You know happiness and joy and love gratitude at one end of the spectrum (being the lighter end of the spectrum)…
…..and the darker emotions on the other i.e. frustration, anger, overwhelm etc.
We can simply see these emotions to be just simply one end of a spectrum without the label of good and bad.
…..Then we can step back and dissociate from having to be so attached to be one thing and making ourselves wrong if we’re not.
The analogy I like to give, particularly when I’m working with my clients with more of this feminine embodiment coaching is that…
When you can subscribe to the philosophy (which I personally believe) which is…
The goal in life is not to be happy.
The goal is to stay centered to who you are, what matters to you and living in integrity with your values.
I believe that is the goal then you can actually deal with these emotions and with the challenges and situations that come your way.
The analogy I like to give is of the ocean floor and the waves above.
Imagine you are the ocean floor. It stays the same. It’s rock solid. It’s steady.v
The waves above are your emotions.
One day it might be cool and calm and smooth sailing and be those lighter emotions.
The other days it might be rageful it might be a thrashing storm. You may be angry, you may be rageful and that’s OK.
It’s just simply a part of the process.
Obviously taking into account that you don’t take it out on other people (important caveat).
But that’s really what you want to get to in any given day or moment….to drop into that steady center that is you.
Knowing that your emotions are just something that you need to flow through.
So how do you do that?
How do you actually let yourself flow through an emotion and not stay stuck in that cycle of anger frustration or whatever it is so that it doesn’t build and get worse?
Let’s put into context with an example:
When I was working in my corporate job, I used to ignore these emotions of anger, frustration, confusion.
I would stay busy and overwork.
I did this so I didn’t have to feel.
I would armour up, I would numb against that deep feeling inside of anxiousness, frustration, depression and feeling just miserable.
I didn’t want to feel it. It wasn’t comfortable.
The way that I flowed through to the other side was to let myself feel what was going on and to be honest about that.
So if that’s you…
If you’re in that state of negativity, in that funk…
Then I invite you to do a couple of things.
Number #1: Let yourself feel what it is that you’re feeling.
Stop doing. Stop the distractions. Let yourself feel and just let go.
Number #2: Ask yourself “what else?”
What else are you feeling? Angry. What else?
I’m feeling frustrated. What else?
I’m feeling stressed. What else?
I’m feeling annoyed. What else?
I feel like I’m on the wrong path. What else?
Keep asking that question until you circle back to the truth and you’ll feel that it might start to shift. You’ll feel yourself your body relaxing because you’ve allowed yourself to feel it.
Number #3: Ask yourself if the negative thoughts that come are are really true?
Is it really true that you’re not good enough? Is it really true that people at work are talking behind your back and saying you’re not good at your job? Or whatever the case may be.
Quite often you’ll probably come back to the truth that actually it’s not true.
At the end of the process, you’ll have given your body the ability to express you can flow through to the other side.
So I would love to hear from you….
What is it that you’re currently struggling with?
What do you believe to be true about yourself?
What is it that’s causing you the most frustration and angst?
Leave a comment for me below and I would love to support you.
So just remember these negative emotions are not forever.
There’s something to flow through.
If you ever need any support with feeling these emotions make sure you reach out to someone to get support because you don’t have to go it alone.
This is part of the beauty of life.
You get to connect and sometimes getting help can be the best solution.
If you need help with this, this is exactly what I support women within my Soul Aligned Career program.
If you’re interested in hearing more, just shoot me an email (email@example.com) with the title “Soul Aligned Career Details” and I’d be more than happy to explain a little bit more about how I can support you.
I’m sending you so much love and wishing you a beautiful week.
P.S. If you need support on tapping into your unique path and what career is right by you, I’ve got a program I’m working on that may be just the answer you’re looking for. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll send you all the details.