Happy Halloween or Samhain (however you celebrate it!)
I don’t know about you but I’ve been feeling super reflective the past week with the new moon and new month on the horizon….
….and I want to start this week’s blog post with a confessional because truth be told I’ve been in this reflective, introspective, internal phase for a fair while now.
Even though I’ve been wanting to be in action taking, doing and execution mode…
So here’s the confessional: I’ve been thinking about doing a website revamp for the better part of 18 months now.
It’s only in the last few months that I’ve finally got my butt on the seat, put pen to paper and started to write some new copy and get into the weeds of what I’m looking to create.
I share this with you because I’m a coach. I help my clients get those important projects done. And more recently I’ve been struggling with this for myself and I’ve learned some important lessons that I want share….
If you have a project that you’re not moving forward on, or perhaps you’re feeling stuck, procrastinating or something else is holding you back, I just want you to know that you’re not alone and I’m with you!
Oftentimes, it’s in those moments of stuckness, non-forward movement and in some cases altogether stopping, that there is a message and a lesson in there for us.
For me the lesson has been to go deep, and I mean deep, into the core of who I really am, what I’m here to do, and how I feel called to serve. Sooo much has bubbled up (which I’ll share more in other posts)…
But in essence, this process isn’t something I wanted to rush.
Yes, 18 months seems like it’s a long time to have a project on a to-do list.
Yes, it’s taking longer than expected even though I’ve been taking action.
….But the personal inquiry work isn’t something I’ve been able to, nor wanted to rush.
It’s been part of the work.
And this is the feminine depth that’s required before moving out and into the world into masculine action and doing.
Read or listen in, to learn how to discern the real reason why you’re not moving forward and how to unlock the lesson that’s showing up for you to embrace so that you can move forward on what really matters.
So where do we begin?
Step #1: Show yourself some love and self compassion
Not being super woman and doing all the things, for all the people, with flawless execution doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong.
You are human. Things won’t always flow. It’s normal to feel stuck!
Step #2: Discern what’s in your control
Bring to your minds eye and your heart the project or thing you’re not moving forward on..for me it’s being all of the real me on a new website platform, for you it may be putting yourself forward for a promotion, having an honest conversation with a friend, organising that birthday party for your partner….it can be personal or work-related.
Get clear on what’s within your control and what’s not within your control.
Say, for example, you’re wanting to move forward with starting a family. You can be doing all the things that are within your control..but sometimes nature has other plans (not in your control)…..
If something is in your control then read on to the 3 buckets below.
If something isn’t in your control then make sure you’re following step 1 (heaps of love and compassion) and then simply ask yourself:
What is the lesson for me here?
Spoiler alert: Oftentimes if we’re learning how to grapple with things outside of our control, the lesson is to surrender, loosen our grip, relax, let go and to fully embrace that who we are is enough even without the thing we want.
Step #3: Get real with what’s really going on
Let’s explore 3 buckets that I generally see when it comes to procrastinating on a project or not moving forward on something.
Bucket #1: It really doesn’t need to be done.
Is the project important?
Is it something you really need to do?
Or if you’re honest is it a “should”?
Oftentimes we don’t even realise that we’re working on things that are “shoulds.”
How can you tell?
Try this out….
If I said to you… “Just take that X off your to-do list”
What bubbles up in your body as you feel the repercussions of this?
Perhaps you don’t want to let someone down, you don’t want to say “no” or this is what you NEED to do to achieve a certain result. Get curious.
Bucket #2: It needs to be done but it’s boring/painful/annoying/tedious, time-consuming.
Hello, adult life and admin! Let’s be real, sometimes we gotta do things that just need to be done even though they can be annoying.
If this is the case for you, you want to ask yourself:
- How can I inject pleasure into doing these tasks?
- How can I reward myself?
- How will it feel when I’ve finally done this?
We can’t necessarily avoid the nitty gritty things that need doing, but we can find our own ways of working so that it’s more tolerable and sustainable.
Bucket #3: It’s something I want to do but I don’t have the time
I get it. You’ve got a lot to do. People to look after.
At the same time, no one and I mean no one, is going to help you prioritise the things that are important to you unless you do.
This is a harsh lesson I’ve been learning recently….
Subconsciously I’ve STILL got that need to please and make people happy …and I’ve caught myself on numerous occasions having to stop myself in my tracks before I overgive and extend myself. Side note: my daughter had her birthday party last week and I found myself more easily susceptible to overdoing it.
Because the truth is finding a healthy boundary for myself is THE work. And it’s not about pendulum swinging between a selfish heartless bitch or an overgiving nurturer. There is a healthy medium. And that will look different for you and it will look different for me.
What this all means….
The reason you’re not able to do all the things or move forward on the projects and tasks you want to, isn’t because something’s wrong with you (although the Perfect Woman Imperative will have us believing this)…..
No, the reason is you’re human and it’s not possible to do it all.
It’s normal to bump up against resistance, procrastination and for things to take longer than expected…
All it’s asking us to do is to align back to spending our time and energy on what really matters and finding ways for us to work and live in ways that are sustainable and dare I say it pleasurable too.
So I invite you to slow down and get real and honest with yourself…
- Are you really working on what’s important?
- What is the “stalling” on that project, to-do, action item, calling you to explore and get real and honest with?
- How can you inject more pleasure and fun into the day to day adulting tasks that need to be done?
Remember there’s no one in the world who can do what you do the way you do it. You’re here for a reason. Don’t ever forget it.
P.S. If you’re looking for 1:1 high level support around taking a more embodied approach to how you work and live, prioritising the projects and people that really matter I currently have availability for 2 committed leaders in my private mentoring and coaching program: The Soul Aligned Woman.
The experience is for the woman who desires to redefine her own parameters for living, loving and leading. To learn more, I invite you to book a free call with me HERE.